disjunct

i don't know if this is a manufacturing defect but my heart is completely disjointed from my brains..my brains makes decisions that my heart can't obey....results in a commotion...i pace around like caged animal trying really hard to listen to my brains....after all it is the learned one and capable of making sense....somewhere truth eludes me all the time...and i remain stuck in grey zone....it is severe in love.


My heart should belong to a hapless romantic and my brain to a women striving to be rational and strong...i often burden myself into carrying the pain of loss against the will of my heart and then regret it...i guess for the rest of my life....what i don't get is why my heart and brain can't work as a team...it would save me a lot of time and struggle and sadly a few labels...i remain stuck in between not knowing who is right...looking like the fool who never knows whats good for her....i think the problem is not just of a disjoint but of locations...locations of these two prime organs at the two ends of the spectrum...one jumpy and naive....other striving towards strength and extremely ambitious at that.....can you imagine having to live with these buggers for all these years....the yearning and the prohibitions....

i have been bursting out of my body everytime i have heard some songs in the past few days....he, whoever, ok shelley was right, it is the sweetest songs that remind us of our saddest thoughts......the pain recurs like a guilt.....its happens so often that i don't know who or what i yearn for anymore...i just know its painful..its physical pain.....i squirm beneath its grip...it just won't leave....its like harbouring two monsters within a cage both rattling against the walls of my poor flesh...but i must say i am biased...i always listen to my brains...i value its knowledge and its sense of me....but times like these it is difficult...i don't know whether it is right....i know these are transient feeling..it disappears as soon as the desired object is acheived but i cannot help but think that the regret is going to follow me for the rest of my life....of having never given my heart a chance to breathe...i show signs of severe depression afterall