motivation, where art thou

Where does one find the motivation...which part of ones body does one tap into to get that bit of a motivation that can get you going for miles....i haven't found it...yes, i am not super brainy or high on GK but i know if i put my "mind" on a task i can master it....but where is my "mind".....i think its stuck in the bourgeoisie closet waiting for a train of poor alienated wage labourers to come by and offer services......its like...o i could do that but i don't want to, and what the hell he/shes there anyway.......yea i could figure out programming...but then what will happen to all the professionals who will be out of their jobs...nobody including myself seem to realise the service my laziness does to this otherwise unemployed/underemployed world...how many people feel like they have conquered the world when you look at them with that dazzzzzed large eyes...they think...I am doing rocket science or relativity theory...when all you are thinking is how does this concern my greater being and or simply being here

I m judgemental and choosy about information...i am all eager to listen to the conversations on great theories on phallana shallana that has no connection with my getting to office or with things that help me get along one day in the office.....i am interested in vague historical biases, those special characteristics and historical specificities that make a certain cultures positioned the way they are. The underlying discourse of power, the phallocentric universe, discourse, language...blah blah...if its smalll then personal dynamics, individual trajectories, subconscious motivations behind people's actions...the list is long.....i know they sound arbid and absolutely redundant...hey!!! but thats what motivates me...not the new updates for windows vista or % of poor tribals in India..which is the priced information in office atleast...what the hell...am i in the wrong place...should i move my lazy ass...or just let these things pass as mundane aspects of life and then wait to get home so you can dwell in these vague theories.....i seem to be averse to technology and take pride in being a dinosaur...but sometimes i wonder is it my inclinations or my laziness...in this era of tech innovation and number crunching...should i lag behind...do people like me have a comfortable niche....that is not mouldy and fungus-ridden.....i sure hope cause otherwise it will take the last bit of my charm and big eyes to remain in this ignorance gamble....

Coming back to motivation......why am i not involved in this important conversation behind me about how to present ourselves to the bosses....i say crap...what nuances are we discussing...we are speculating......about nothing before time.....though an after thought strikes me that this is what i like doing...intuiting...speculating about the dark recesses of the human mind.....its possible baggages....but whats behind definitely should remain there cause it is boring the hell outa me....see i am judgemental...i don't particpate in group activity...so honoured in this part of the universe...i m an individualist losing individuality faasssst....then where do i belong...christ!!!

Motivation, motivation, where art thou hiding......in the abundant mass of human flesh......i think thats it...its clogged in the immense LDL fat i m accumulating to honour my salary...but what about the lack of interest for things that happen right behind me...the scorn with which i view these unimportant discussion of mere mortals talking about the most mundane things....i think one day i will be sooooooooooooooo bored that i will kill myself....just to spite the world and then realise on my recycle rebirth chakraa that the world didn't hear the squeaks i made before passing out into the other world...damn it....