simple....nostalgia

simple is the key word...i thought of the songs i love listening to....it goes i'll come to you at night time, i will climb into your bed, i'll kiss you in 155 places as i go swimming around in your hair (eddie vedder)....no complications, no psychedelic twist yet it makes my heart dip in some weird sweet-pain everytime i hear it....maybe its memories....but of what!!....

the look a complete stranger gives you to acknowledge you-look-pretty within a fraction-of-a-second.....the smile of gratitude from a co-passenger when you offer help...simple things in life is the rule for me now on...i hope so....i will discuss the simpler visions i have of pleasure.....sipping hot tea on your balcony while its raining cats and dogs on lush green trees...or sipping hot coffee and staring into space while secretly competing with the world to get the sunny spot on a cold winter day.....the withdrawal symptom you feel when you smell fresh coffee being brewed...that was college winters for me, whoever heard of classes then.....chatting about nothing to the menagerie of people your call "gang" while smoothly erasing the guilt of bunking that class you so loathe....college was goood.....as always nostalgia of those simpler days when you thought ideas you weave were more complicated than living it out in the real world...and the crushes not to forget them...it was my critical time pass like regaining myself from the depths of amnesia...a sudden slip of a heartbeat when an otherwise innocuous lad passes by.....thinking he is the cutest you have ever seen...his ugliness becomes his crown and his awkward smile his sceptre.....to be conscious of your every move wondering if this is the best way to move...willl he like it???....then months pass and you realise he was never that great.....in between you wore your best clothes, showed that lil bit of attitude you mustered, wore colours that highlight your eyes, complexion......then you go..." oh him! ya i had a minor crush but now i don't get it.....

Okay as always i have strayed too far away from the topic of discussion from simple its nostalgia...or lets call it simplcity of nostalgia or simple nostalgia....in reminiscence even the harshest of occurrence appears glossed and not so bad...its worse for people...all misgivings you never thought you'd forgive them for looks stupid often over reactive. Only thing that often remains fresh and criminally clear are your embarassments....they remain crystal clear...well come to think of it so does the stark pain inflicted upon you by your nearest.

Nostalgia is good...antidote for dire straits....but clinging to your nostalgia can demean growth....you are stuck in the past...thats what i fear is my problem...do i want to be in academics because thats all that i have seen in the past five years...coool nerds hung over a book...hungry, pennyless, doped out creatures of the nether-world.....is that why it appeals to me so....well time will prove it......but nostalgia is weird it makes the simplest moments look pleasant and allays the effect of the big moments....there were times when i would consciously mark a space or point in my memory as this is something i will definitely remember but now i can't for my life recollect them except the glow i felt at that moment....mind plays weird games with us.....

In course of my oration to myself i have managed to successfully connect my two topics....i sometimes wonder if thats how great writers create brilliant pieces of work ....by jotting down a train of thought and then formalising and then reformalising it...by now two more ideas have joined the last two....sophistication increases and in the hands of an efficient copy editor it molds itself into a best selling book!!!! wow if it was that simple