cribbing of a pathetic soul

unclear, confused, unlucid, depression, fear, suicidal procrastination are some terms that define me at the moment...i know, a stark contrast to the last post....but you won't believe how fate plays with the lives of unsuspecting victims....so i crack up loudly, chuckle and enthusiastically write a blog on my two days of freedom and i send into virtual space to be exposed to the abyss of reading minds.... fifteen minutes later, life changes....i decide to get out of office to watch the new Hindi sop on Akbar which, i must say has so politically dealt with a political emperor in the most politically wrong manner...there was, in my opinion, the most strategic emperor of the mughal dynasty who married women from different communities only to forge his dynasty, who from the architecture of his forts proved to the world that he was the centre of the universe being squarely and poorly represented as an ardent Muslim who dances to Sufi music...probably true but message that the audience gauge is ridiculously politically wrong....sorry that's personal opinion....anyway getting back to my story on fate...as i decide to leave my boss calls up, gives me the dose for not being prompt (if only she knew that i was someone who took orders from five other people too), demanded a piece on something needed in office....for what good purpose?...one might think this will change the universe or something...heck no it just changes my work time and not even a rusted cog in the organisation will turn by this task....unless of course a miracle happens...but then i don't believe in miracles until they happen so that being out of the question for now.....anyway so that did it!!! ruined my moment, my hour, my weekend!!! well i decided to be disobedient so i did watch the movie, partied till 4 a.m, slept through the day and sat down an hour ago to do the pending work....but i realised i don't have my materials.....its in the office.....now what?.....so here i am stuck with my Sunday crammed with work....there is a slight pain in my gut because of the fear, there is rush of blood to my brain that's making me dizzy cause of the risk i am taking, i am pushing the limits....and guys if you know how scared i am of being reprimanded you will know what i am saying.....but theres also that inbuilt gene to rebel...that intuition that tells me that while i am shitting in my pants thinking of this, the originator of my woes is happily sitting somewhere unaware and probably without the same urgency....though the person did say that she wanted the document by "yesterday", which yesterday was Thursday...talk about classy jibes...so i am stuck here with these mixed emotion waiting for yet another redemptive moment...which last night came to me only after five glasses of cold beer!!!